🌱 When we hear the word trauma, we often think of one-time, catastrophic events. But trauma also comes in quieter, ongoing forms — especially in childhood. Neglect, misattunement, or emotional absence can shape the nervous system just as powerfully as visible abuse. When no one consistently met our needs, our bodies learned ways to survive that still show up today.
Pete Walker calls these survival strategies the 4Fs: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn trauma responses.
🐕 Fight Response — The Barking Watchdog
- Looks like: anger, control, criticism, chronic conflict, mistrust.
- Childhood roots: growing up with unsafe adults may have taught us to fight back early to stay safe.
- Core belief: “If I’m strong enough, I won’t be hurt again.”
🐕 Flight Response — The Running Watchdog
- Looks like: perfectionism, busyness, anxiety, burnout, panic.
- Childhood roots: when no one slowed down to comfort us, our nervous system learned to outrun danger or unworthiness.
- Core belief: “If I keep moving, I’ll be safe.”
🐀 Freeze Response — The Still Possum
- Looks like: spacing out, dissociation, shame, feeling numb, helplessness.
- Childhood roots: when comfort wasn’t available, it felt safer to “go away” inside than to reach out and risk more pain.
- Core belief: “If I disappear, I’ll survive.”
🐀 Fawn Response — The Pleasing Possum
- Looks like: people-pleasing, over-apologizing, neglecting your own needs, toxic relationships.
- Childhood roots: when love was conditional, we learned to meet everyone else’s needs at the expense of our own.
- Core belief: “If I keep everyone happy, I’ll be safe.”
🦉 Returning to the Wise Owl
All of these responses are protective parts of us. They are not flaws, and they are not our fault. They were brilliant survival strategies for children facing neglect, criticism, or abandonment. But if they remain in charge of our adult lives, they can leave us stuck.
The goal isn’t to “get rid” of them. It’s to notice them, thank them for their protection, and invite the Wise Owl (our Self) back into leadership. With practice, grounding, and compassion, we can expand our window of tolerance and reclaim choice.
✨ Try this practice:
The next time you feel stressed or reactive, pause and ask yourself:
- Am I fighting, fleeing, freezing, or fawning?
- Which protective part is trying to keep me safe?
- Can I thank it — and then ask my Wise Owl to help me choose my next step?