(Reflect on what you learned from your mom, grandmother, and aunties about relationships)
- When you picture your mom’s romantic relationships, what messages—spoken or unspoken—did you receive about what love is supposed to look like?
… - Think about your grandmother’s role in relationships. What did she model about loyalty, power, sacrifice, or independence?
… - What lessons (or warnings) did your aunties give you—either in advice, in stories, or in the way they lived their own relationships?
… - Which of these family messages about love and partnership have you carried forward into your own life?
… - Which of these messages feel unhelpful or harmful now that you look at them more closely?
… - If you imagine these women sitting in a circle, what would you want to say to them today about what you are choosing differently for yourself?
…
🏠 Journal Reflection: Comparing with the Sound Relationship House
(Use Gottman’s framework as a healthy counterbalance)
The Sound Relationship House has 7 main principles. For each, reflect on where you notice alignment or misalignment with what you were taught growing up:
- Build Love Maps (knowing each other’s inner world)
– Did your family model curiosity about a partner’s inner life, or was it more surface-level?
… - Share Fondness and Admiration
– Did you see couples speak kindly, with appreciation? Or was criticism more common?
… - Turn Toward Instead of Away
– How did the women in your family handle bids for attention or connection from a partner?
… - Maintain a Positive Perspective
– Were relationships framed around hope and teamwork, or around resignation and conflict?
… - Manage Conflict
– How did you witness arguments being handled? Avoided? Explosive? Productive?
… - Make Life Dreams Come True
– Were your mom, grandmother, or aunties supported in pursuing their dreams within relationships?
… - Create Shared Meaning
– Did your family relationships feel like a partnership with rituals and meaning, or more like obligations and roles?
…
🌱 Integration Prompt
- Looking at both your family’s messages and the Sound Relationship House, what do you want to carry forward, what do you want to release, and what do you want to rebuild in your own way?
GOTTMAN SOUND RELATIONSHIP HOUSE PDF:
…